Waiting Amidst Uncertainty
One week ago
I was at my first art festival of the season in Miami. My husband and I packed up our entire booth and artwork and drove to Miami. That first morning of the show, I felt a little twinge in my back, so I took a few Tylenol and turned on my heated seat for the drive-over. The next morning was the same, a small twinge, but nothing too bad. We finished the show, broke down, packed up, and made the drive back to Orlando.
The next day I felt that familiar twinge in my back, but with a little more intensity. I used my heating pad all day and my doc said get some anti-inflammatory pain meds. My back got worse not better. Serious pain that made reaching for anything below my knees impossible. Feeling my back seizing, tightening each time I tried to sit down or stand up, or sometimes for no reason at all. I haven’t felt pain like that since going through labor with my firstborn.
I finally saw a doctor Wednesday afternoon, got X-rays and medication. Started to feel some relief Thurs, more improvement on Friday, a step backward on Saturday. I’m getting help with lots of tasks, wearing a brace and taking meds. Next weekend is another show with all the tasks that go with it. Slowly I'm feeling better, and I'm grateful my husband will be there to help.
In all this there is a reminder that life is uncertain. You make plans the best you can, but tomorrow is not a guarantee. I have no idea if I will be able to keep showing at festivals. If my back will strengthen or continue to be an obstacle.
Right now my life looks a lot like one of paintings that has been started but is in its "messy or ugly stage". It’s incomplete, and leaves you wondering if the painting will turn out at all. It’s not the time to stop, but to keep moving forward. Stepping back from time to time in order to figure out what adjustments are needed. I've been painting long enough have confidence to progress past the messy stage of a painting. And while there are a lot of questions about what will happen next with shows I do have a peace.
I love painting, and love seeing my work find homes. How that looks in the near and father future is an unknown. My trust is in a God who sees me, knows my needs and desires and always wants what’s best for me. His ways are higher and better than mine. I’m in the middle of that messy stage, and yet, God ability is so much greater than mine to weave the pieces my life into something beautiful.
How do you face daunting circumstances? What helps you through?